Other than constantly freaking out about spiders, she never flinched at our chaos. Not once.

It was eight years ago that I answered the door to a tall red headed kid, wearing this little necklace with a whale’s tail on it. I was a new mom to twins and a twirling dervish of a five year old. I was a mess and I needed some help and she was there because she thought she could.

I tried to fasten the buckle of my nursing bra without looking obvious, apologizing for the disaster and my emotional overwhelm. I walked her back to the family room and when she saw them all, she covered her face with her hand in a triangle shield that I would eventually come to know as her sign for joy. Her I-can’t-contain-all-my-feelings-on-my-face-shield. “Oh my God. They are so cute. Can I sit on the floor with them? Can I hold one? Can I hold BOTH? You think all three would let me?” For the next hour she laughed and giggled and loved on those babies and my heart sighed with relief.

She became a part of our family. And when you are part of a family you are there for all the good times and bad. She has held some hard spaces for us on some dark days when we weren’t sure it would be ok. We celebrated her young adult milestones….birthdays, a new job, another new job, a new car, a new apartment. Every year at Christmas she would wake up far too early for a girl her age just so she could come and watch them all open presents. She was there when they took their first steps, when they first ate ice cream, when they moved into a big kid bed, welcomed a new puppy, started Kindergarten. We were there when she met Max. And although we weren’t sure we could handle having another boy around, he had a kind and gentle way about him that fit so softly around our wild unevenness. This year we added both their names to our Christmas stocking mantle….because, family.

So when your family asks if he can marry your best girl and help organize a pretend photo session as a cover story for an elaborate engagement proposal with three unpredictable kids, you don’t say no.

And…..she said yes.